life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
