they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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