bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
