omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
