remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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