hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
