I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
