so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
