but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
