You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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