I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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