Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
