can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
