Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
