I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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