Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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