Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
