Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
