My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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