The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think my moral compass just broke
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