if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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