I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
