he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
