We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
