maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
