mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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