just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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