Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
