I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
