Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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