I checked into jail on foursquare
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
