Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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