Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
