I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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