i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
