i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
