I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize