I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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