Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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