Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
