I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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