I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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