how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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