either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm jealous of your bromance
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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