my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
