He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
