I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
