So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
