I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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