i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
