The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
