so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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