I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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