I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think my vagina is haunted
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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