When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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