he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
