how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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