just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
