Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
