I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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