Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
