problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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