Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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