Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
