she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
