really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
